When you are someone who is living an alternative lifestyle (whether it is one of minimalism or not), there are many times during your life when you will look at yourself in the mirror and ask “Am I a fool?” I don’t care how steadfast you are in your beliefs; being that your life is not the established norm, you will have pressure that brings on doubt. This is just part of being human, and it is extremely healthy. Doubt is part of growth. It would in fact be strange if you never had any doubt. Only a fool is sure of anything. A wise person will keep on re-evaluating and examining.

When you are having these moments of “self-examination” it is important not to look to other people’s lives as a basis to compare your life against. When you do that you acquiesce to someone else’s life as being the ideal life for you, and that is just ridiculous. The ideal life is wildly different for one person than another person. Instead, just decide internally what you need or desire in your life, and pursue the resources needed to acquire what is needed/desired. Don’t get me wrong. I am a firm believer in looking to others for inspiration, and ideas. But to put any one persons life in the category of “the way it’s supposed to be” is absurd.

Many of life’s seemingly basic “staples” are not necessarily for everyone. Here is a list of some these lifestyle staples that I am talking about:

• Marriage
• Children
• House
• Monogamy
• College education
• Religion
• Sex
• Television
• Internet (this one was real difficult for me to type)

I have come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in this world. People who live in the moment, and people who capture the moment. And unfortunately, one cannot be both; or one cannot be doing both at the same time. let me explain.

Anytime I am doing something I enjoy I like to devote 100% of my attention to it. Whether it is getting a deep tissue message, riding my bicycle, playing with my daughter, or sunning on the beach. I relish in feeling every sensation. I let all my senses take everything in and let my mind go blank to accept it. I like to live every moment. When I am in this euphoric state, I mostly can’t even think about taking a photo to capture the event. As a result I unfortunately do not have much of a photo album (memory archive). The few times I do think of capturing the moment with a photo (and act on it) I am bothered to do so. Why, because in doing so it does have a small cost. It costs a small piece of that joy. One can not be 100% in the moment, and still capture the moment. In my opinion, it drops about 50% when one stops to take a picture. Those of you who are “live in the moment” people know what I am talking about. For those of you who disagree, you must  be “capture the moment” people.

Now take my wife (please……old joke). Her mind is always a few steps ahead. Always planning, always scheming, always making sure we are prepared for every situation.

I recall some time ago treating her to a spa treatment. A full 4 hour package complete with Swedish massage, hot stone message, manicure, pedicure, scalp massage, and Champagne. After the day of pampering had concluded I picked her up from the Spa. In the car I asked her how it went. She told me briefly about what they did, and how wonderful it felt. After that she continued to go on for thirty minutes about all the things she considered and planned while she was getting the treatment. Everything from planning dinner for the week, to considering the destination for our next vacation. She thought about all of this while she was being pampered, and absolutely none of these things were of any urgent need to plan. I could not help but think, “wow, that was a waste.” With this, as with any experience in life, in order to enjoy it, you have to be there mentally. She didn’t get the full experience because she was not present mentally.

Don’t get me wrong, in many ways having this trait is a very positive thing. she is always on top of getting everything done. She always makes sure every moment is captured and documented. Without people like this, there would be no physical memory archive.

But it is a shame though. A shame that these people are depriving themselves of the fruits life has to offer.

I bring this up because of a recent observation I had. Recently a couple I am acquainted with went on a vacation to Cancun Mexico. Having been there myself I was immediately thrilled for them, so of course I wished them well. I was however mildly disgusted when I noticed that from the moment they landed to the hour they left, they were posting FB status updates every couple of hours or so.

OMG, lose the phone! Are people so hopelessly tethered to their social media that they can’t put the phone aside and enjoy their vacation unfettered. It’s as if the mentality is that the events of the vacation didn’t actually happen unless they are tagged and documented somewhere for all their friends to see. As if they need to prove they are having a good time, at the expense of actually having a good time. It was at this point that I came to the conclusion that there are “live the moment” people, and “capture the moment” people.

I hear a lot of tough talk about social media. “It’s not real.” “Facebook friends are not real friends.” “Why do we place so much value in the number of “likes” we get when they are meaningless?”

For starters, people are going to have to accept that this is now the new medium by which people socialize. Back in the early 20th century old men were complaining “They’ll never get me to use one of them crazy telephones. This method of communication is so impersonal. When I am talking to somebody I need to see them person in front of me. There is something lost in communication otherwise.” This is exactly what the social media nay-sayers  of today sound like. They sound like all the grumpy old men complaining about the invention of the telephone.

“It’s not real.” OK then. How do you define real? If real is something you can see, feel, taste, and smell, then real is just electrical signals interpreted by your brain. Images in a computer screen are just the same. So in the end “real” is very subjective.

Example: I recall not too long ago poorly judging an acquaintance of mine because he spends too much time playing video games. I was thinking: “Is this guy so dissatisfied with our reality that he had to escape into another one. How sad.” Ah but I soon learned that I was ignorant in this thought process. Many of these realities are so vast, interconnect people so well, and have such a huge following, that they themselves are subcultures in our own society; in our own reality. And if a person can thrive in such a reality (make a living), then what difference does it make what reality they are in? It also turns out that there is little that our physical reality can offer, that their virtual reality can not.

Video games, fantasy culture (Magic the Gathering, Yu-gi-oh, War Hammer, D&D, etc), and digital media may seem fake to many, but it is real to those involved in that culture.

A “reality” that is man-made instead of nature-made is not any less of a reality. Perception is reality.

 

“Facebook friends are not real friends.” depends on your definition of friend. Let’s just be honest, most of the people we say are our friends are really just acquaintances right. We just say “hi”, “how ya doing”, “what’s going on”, “how are your kids” in passing. This is no different from those on FB. Except you don’t have to actually ask how they are doing, you can see it clearly in their posts. Your acknowledgement is in your “like”. The reason this is such an issue for people, is that they apply value to the number of friends they have now that there is a set clear number.

Attention junkies are attention junkies whether they are using digital media or not. Whether they are surfing FB to track down and build their friend base, or they’re circling the lunch room at work having pedantic small talk with a new person every five minutes, it’s all the same. it just so happens they can do it quicker online. This is not a digital media problem, this is an insecurity problem.

A FB “like” is just a simple acknowledgement saying “I have seen, and I agree”. That’s all. Ah, but this is a lot. No different than if you were to give a speech right in the middle of the NY Subway, and see how many people stop to listen, and how many just move along; or how many heckle you. It is an indication of a potential following, it is not? The only problem is that these social media outlets lend themselves to placing too much value in these “likes.” So much so, that people will place so much of their self-value in these “likes”. But again this is not a digital media problem, this is an insecurity problem. This is no different than being the unpopular kid is school that gets sad and angry because everyone treats them like they were invisible. Self-value should come from within.

Issues like popularity, image, bullying, and self value are issues that have always been around. All we did was just move them to a new context; a new medium. It makes little sense to blame the medium. If one kid gets beat up in the cafeteria by another kid, it hardly makes sense to blame the cafeteria.