A minimalist’s views on sex

SexCountless times before have I mentioned that developing and maintaining strong healthy relationships is the real spice of life. Having more time and freedom to focus on our relationships and passions is the reason why we minimize in the first place.

Having a strong healthy sex life is part of that focus. A very important part. Making love with ones partner joins them together emotionally and spiritually to form a bond that can not be formed any other way. It’s actually quite amazing. This is all part of the human experience. Sex and sexuality are a perfectly natural part of life. They are one of the greatest gifts life has to offer. They’re certainly not shameful, nor should they be considered taboo.

Just like anything else though, sex must be done responsibly. That is, it must be done with the proper precautions. It must be done in moderation. Anything done in excess is bad; even the things that are considered healthy activities. Eating too much food leads to obesity. Too much working leads to burnout. Too much exercise leads to strained muscles, and potential physical incidentals. Too much rest also leads to obesity. So then too much sex leads to an unhealthy dependency, and increased risk of disease. I’m not going to go into a rant about safe sex. We all know how to be safe.

With all the precautionary stuff out of the way, I would like to say that I believe that sex/sexuality is much too taboo in our society. Sex should be taught to our children in a way that would educate them about the joy, responsibility, and risks of it. This education should come from their parents. Instead they are getting misinformation from their friends and media, then going out in the world irresponsibly experimenting.

Why is it that full frontal nudity cannot be seen on daytime television, but horrific violence is displayed openly any time of day? The human body is beautiful, natural, fruitful, a symbol of natures divine power. Violence is ugly, destructive, and evil. Yet we have chosen to expose our children to the glorified evil of violence, but shelter them from the beautiful bounty of the human body.  This makes no sense to me. Sex and sexual expression was all part of natures plan. “Brother kill brother” was not.

Furthermore, I am appalled at the stigmas of sex/sexuality between the sexes. Why is it that men can go topless in outdoor festive venues, but women can not? If a man is sexually promiscuous, he is a stud (positive connotation). If a woman is promiscuous, she’s a slut (negative one). Men can do whatever they want while a women must be a lady.

Everyone assumes that when a women has a lot of sex with a lot of different partners, she must be trying to fill some void created by some traumatic event in her childhood. Huh?? Why can’t she just be a women who really loves men, and has a strong sexual appetite for them? We seem to be fine using that reason for men. We men expect women to be available to satisfy our sexual appetite, but then also expect women to be demure and repress any sexual appetite of their own. Excuse my language, but that’s bullshit.

In summation, sex and sexuality should be open and free in our world. Open, and freely expressed by both men and women. By that I mean that sex itself should remain private (behind closed doors), but sex as a topic should be able to be discussed openly. Nudity should be open as well.

So go and have sex, have lots of sex. It’s does good for relationships, and is amazing for our health (I didn’t get into the numerous health benefits of having a healthy sex life, but I don’t think I have to).

Living better small

Open-ArmsWow, it took me this long to have a self titled post.

Minimalism for me personally, is not just about having fewer possessions; not just about cutting out all the excess baggage.  It is not just about “living smaller” in the sense of having fewer things, but it also means “living smaller” in a much more literal sense too. It means for me, a much more fulfilling life, if the actual physical things are smaller. This does not stem from an obsessive interest in tiny things (though tiny things do fascinate me), but rather a strong sense of efficiency.

We live in a world where we still weigh our successes on how BIG our lives are. More specifically, how big our home is, how big our property is, even how big our vehicle is. Sometimes this need for bigness extends to some ridiculous areas like: Big hair, big hat, big heels (high heels actually), big body, big lips, big breasts (I am actually quite fond of this one). We have been conditioned to believe that all this bigness makes us more successful and more attractive.

Unfortunately most of this is just an illusion. That is, it’s all image and no substance. We have all this bigness for the appearance of success to the masses. More specifically, we have been conditioned to believe that bigness=success, and we seek the approval/admiration from our neighbors of our bigness because we need that validation. We need that validation because it’s a bitch to keep and maintain all this bigness. THIS is the ridiculous game we play. The truth is, success itself is measured by our happiness; by our passion/s and relationships (but the details of this are in another essay).

I can see that this is just a game. I have chosen not to take part in it. It’s counterproductive and inefficient. Efficiency lies in having possessions just big enough to suit our needs. It saves time, space, and money. Here are some examples.

I own:

  1. A tiny Hyundai Accent as my vehicle. Big enough for me, my wife, my daughter, and if necessary some cargo as it is also a hatch back. Having a compact car saves money as it is incredibly fuel-efficient. It’s size also makes it very maneuverable and easier to clean/maintain. When I need to transport my bicycle, I keep the bike rack in the trunk and strap it on the back when I need it.
  2. A two bedroom 825 square foot condo for my home. Again, just big enough  for me, my wife, and my daughter. On house cleaning day, it takes two hours to clean the entire condo. We pay less in land/school tax due to the small size (not to mention mortgage), and it takes less than an hour for one wall mounted air conditioning unit to cool the entire condo.
  3. A laptop computer as my only computer. It is mobile so I can use it anywhere in the home.
  4. I also take a lot of joy in using my back deck. It’s only 5’X10′, but that is big enough for a BBQ grill, cooler, table and two chairs. Everything I need, nothing I don’t. It’s my little slice of paradise at home. I just recently repainted it for the season; it took about an hour to do two coats.

Living small means living efficiently. Let’s choose not to play the game of bigness. It is really just a socially accepted “penis size” contest anyway. Women don’t need to wear high heels. Men who work desk jobs and have un-calloused hands don’t need to own a pickup truck.

Cut out the cleanliness obsession

CleanOnce upon a time my wife picked up a shirt I had on a pile in a basket on the floor and asked “Is this shirt clean or dirty?” To which I replied “You tell me.” She took a good look at the shirt, gave it a couple of sniffs. “Ah, clean” she said. “Good” I took the shirt, folded it, and put it in my drawer. “I wore that shirt yesterday you know.” I said. “Ew, dirty. Get it out of there and into the hamper.” she interjected.

Argh. What makes a piece of clothing dirty? The fact that it has already been worn since its last washing? I don’t thing so. Are we not really just concerned about the cosmetics of our clothes anyway? How they look, smell, and feel. Unfortunately no.

Unfortunately so many of us are also concerned about “tiny yuckies.” So many of us have been socialized into believing that after an article of clothing is used once it is infected with tiny micro-organisms, sweat, and other elements. Now all of this is 100% true. But you know what else ….. SO WHAT. None of these “tiny yuckies” are in any way doing us any harm. The American standard of living (mostly shaped by corporate America) has influenced upon us a ridiculous and unnecessary standard for cleanliness. This is no doubt in an effort to give us a heavy toiletry supply, and heavy supply turnaround.

How do we combat this? easy. Change our definition of what we consider “clean” and what we consider “dirty”. If a piece of clothing smells good, looks clean, and feels normal: it is clean. If not, then it’s dirty. Simple. Honestly, we mostly only wear clothes for cosmetic reasons, so why should we be concerned about anything more than the cosmetics of them anyway? We also wear clothes for personal shelter reasons, but I’m pretty sure that the “tiny yuckies” will have nil effect on this function.

Furthermore, this same logic can also be applied to us, not just our clothes.

Altering our perception to this more realistic concept of what is “dirty” has the clear benefit of freeing up space, time, and money. To elaborate: We will have fewer laundry chores, less laundry soap, less shopping for laundry supplies. There is also the hidden benefit that by cleaning our clothing less, we actually extend the life or our clothes. Those dust particles in the lint trap didn’t come from nowhere; they are the ripped off remnants of our clothes.

Being overly cleanly has adverse effects on our bodies as well. Particularly our face and hair. So many of us use special soap and moisturizers on our faces to keep a clean and youthful look. But what we may not realize is that those moisturizers and soaps do more harm than good. Without even considering the adverse effects of the potential chemicals in these soaps and moisturizers, soap cleans too much. That’s right, soap cleans TOO much. It washes off the dirt, yes, but it also washes off the bodies natural oils necessary to protect the skin. And wouldn’t you know it, those natural oils do a better job at keeping the skin protected and “young” than any moisturizer can.

So it turns out the only reason we need moisturizer is because our harsh soaps are damaging and drying out our faces. So, lets not wash our faces so much. And when we do, use a gentle natural soap. We also wash our hair every time we take a shower. Doing so robs the hair of IT’S natural oils keeping the hair silky, smooth, and strong.

So we should apply the same rule to our bodies as we do our laundry: If it feels, looks, or smells dirty, clean it. If not, don’t. With this simple change in perception, we will free up a little money, a little space, and a whole lot of time.