Category: Essays

The many philosophies of minimalism.

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Regret

Never was there a more wasted emotion than “regret”. It’s just more mental/emotional clutter. Having a regret is a lot like having a wish, in the fact that they both take place in a fantasy world. In a world where there is no cost to the decisions we make, no sacrifice. This is something we seldom consider in our deeply emotional state of regret. And even if we have considered it, we are still making a lot of assumptions of how the “butterfly effect” would pan out. The Butterfly Effect is way too extensive and complicated for even the smartest of us to predict. Oh, and there is also the fact that we can’t change the past.

What I do find misleading and ridiculous, is when people pass off their regrets as a philosophy to live by for other people. Just as a general rule, one should never take the advice of someone who is pointing us toward a certain path that they themselves haven’t traveled before. Simply having taken the opposite path, and found that it doesn’t work, does not qualify them to advise on this path being the correct one.

Example: An old man on his death bed with his big family around him says “I wish I had focused more on my career. With my talent, I could have been a wonderful lawyer, instead of just a Paralegal.”

Likelihood is this man didn’t consider that if he had taken that path, it would have been more demanding on his time. Demanding enough not to have a very extensive social life. In pursuit of fortune and glory on his way to make partner in the firm, he passed up marriage and children. If he had been the hot shot lawyer he wished he was, he might not have such a big wonderful family around him filling him with joy during his final days. He might even be alone.

Example: Career woman Mayor nearing retirement finds herself depressed. Now finally, in her later years she feels the urge to have a family. So much so that she carries the regret “I wish I had started a family much earlier in life.”

Likelihood is that she didn’t consider that if she had taken that path, she wouldn’t have had the time to focus on her political career. As a result she wouldn’t have been able to create affordable housing for the under-privileged. She wouldn’t have been able to create more jobs, and greatly reduce unemployment. She is not considering that her lack of social life allowed countless other families to flourish.

Example: A woman in her early 60’s is in her final days of life as pancreatic cancer gets the best of her. She is a straight vegan with no indulgences and exercises vigorously every day. She holds on to the regret: “Had I known cancer was going to bite me anyway, I would have indulged in all the treats this life has to offer. I would have ‘lived’ more, and worried less.”

This is all well and good, but how does she know that the cancer wouldn’t have taken her sooner had she been more indulgent? How does she know that heart disease, Diabetes, or something else wouldn’t have ended her sooner? She doesn’t. It’s unfortunate that her life will be prematurely ended by cancer, but her experience is hardly enough grounds for anyone to adopt a “You only live once. Might as well enjoy all the forbidden fruits” lifestyle. Hell, for all she knows the cancer could have been the eventuality of a genetic weakness, and the fact that she did live such a healthy lifestyle is what has staved it off this long.

Hindsight is not 20/20. We have no idea of all the sacrifices we’d have to make had we chosen another path. We have no clue about all the obstacles we would have met along the way. All we can ask ourselves is “Was the time I spent in THIS LIFE valuable time?” That’s it. If the answer is “yes”, then we should feel grateful. If the answer is “no”, there is still the fact that we can’t change the past.

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Shrink our scope. Focus on the smaller world around us, our Community.

In general, people are so attentive to national and global affairs. Both politically and socially. They are so attentive to these affairs, but seldom do they even know who their town Mayor is. Seldom do they know how the local college basketball team ranks, but they sure know how well their favorite NBA team is doing. They can find out in the paper or online how well Amazon stock is doing, but are they giving any attention to how well “Joe’s Farmers Market” is doing for business just down the road from them. Do they even shop at Joe’s?

This is most unfortunate for them because as it turns out, our local political/economic/social climate has more impact on our day to day lives than the national and global climates do. With that being said, should not our attention be divided accordingly.

With regard to politics, it’s our city council that manages the upkeep of our community (trash disposal, snow removal, etc), issues building permits, and decides school funding. They make the final decision on all the funding of local amenities we use every day. It is also worth mentioning that our votes matter more in local elections than national ones (as confirmed in the “Partisanship and Representation in Local Politics: New Evidence from Mid-Size U.S. Cities” where it states “city councils are even more powerful than Congress in terms of their ability to shape budgetary policy in the face of executive branch opposition,”), and the way they shape it completely depends on the political sides of the voters.

Shop local, when possible. More of our hard earned dollar goes to our community when we do so. This in turn makes for more jobs, more businesses, more opportunity, and just more prosperity overall. When we shop corporate, 45% or less of the money we spend goes back into our community. When we shop at small local businesses however, at least 65% of our dollar stays in our community. A difference of at least 20% is huge.

Socially …… be neighborly. In today’s culture, I am seeing mine, and others neighbors passing each other on the way to/from their homes with hardly an upward glance from their mobile devices to say “Hi.” These are the people physically closest to us, having a positive relationship with them could have enormous benefits. Unfortunately to many of us don’t know that, because we are attached to our devices and socializing with people miles away (not much benefit there). Neighbors that are neighborly lookout for each others property. They greet each other with big smiles in the morning to set off each others day on a positive note. They are an extra set of hands when we need help carrying groceries into the house. In the end, they are a potential convenient resource. Don’t have a rapport with our neighbors?? Halloween is coming up. No better time to break the ice.

Once we become more community oriented, and perhaps a little less “world spectator”, we discover a world that we can play a more active role in, and therefore get more fulfillment from; a larger world (ironically). A more real world.

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Maintaining Relationships

We wash our car, clean our pool, mow the lawn, wash the dishes, vacuum the floor, wash the windows, dust, scrub, and polish all our stuff. We do all this without question because we know these things require maintenance if we want them to last. We accept this.

But what about our relationships?

Are they being maintained as well?

You see …… contrary to popular practice, relationships need to be maintained as well; and since the people in our lives are far more important than the things in our lives, I’d say that maintaining our relationships are by far a higher priority than maintaining all the stuff.

It should also go without saying, that the deeper, the more complex the relationship, the more maintenance it requires. The word “maintenance” has a negative connotation to it for most people, as maintenance is just another word for “work.” I want to make it clear that maintenance is simply time and effort.

Common practice is such that once a relationship is created and established with a solid foundation, people think that they can just let it idle while they go about the rest of their lives. They are confident that they can just pick it back up when they have time and desire. The problem with this is, as more time passes, both parties change as people, they grow. As more time passes, the desire weans. So when both parties finally have the time to spend with each other, the connection has diminished. The connection that was had, was with two very different people. The emotional subtleties …. forgotten.

Had the relationship been maintained, the two parties would have grown together and the connection would have evolved with them.

This fact holds true for ALL the relationships in our lives. The most obvious one is our life partner, but it applies to our children, parents, siblings, friends, and even our neighbors. All of these relationships have greatly varying levels of maintenance required, but all require it nonetheless.

If too much time passes, and a connection is all but diminished, we need to ask ourselves “Is this worth saving?”, “Is it worth re-establishing this connection?” If the answer is “Yes” then the maintenance we need to put in IS ACTUAL WORK. At least in the beginning, until a new strong connection is formed. This is very necessary and rewarding work.

This can be avoided altogether by correctly prioritizing our maintenance.

In short, spend time with the people in our lives, not the things. The things in many of our lives could be taking us away from our relationships.