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Stream New Years Eve in Times Square right from my website Living Better Small
“What would you like to give for Christmas?”
Is not this the season of giving? The season of spreading joy and love to all mankind? The season of extending kindness to strangers? If we have to choose only one time of year to give all the love in our hearts to everyone around us (and we don’t have to choose, but that is another story for another time), isn’t this the time?
If it is, then why is it that the most common holiday related phrase I have been hearing lately is “What do you want for Christmas?” I hear it all the time. Adults speaking it to children. Friends and co-workers speaking it to each other. Most of the time I hear it spoken, it’s not because they want to know for their own shopping purposes, no no. It’s because it’s a curiosity ice breaker. We believe that we will learn more about someone. But what we may not realize, is that a simple question such as that perpetuates the spirit of consumption, of coveting. Particularly when spoken to children. It supports greed actually. This takes us right back down the long hall of excess and misery.
If we wish to truly spread the real spirit of the season, then the question we should be asking our co-workers, friends, family, and definitely children is “What would you like to give for Christmas?” (notice the question is very general. with no specific target assigned to “give” to. This is intentional)
This question forces the person to consider giving. And the general nature of the question forces the person to give a piece of themselves; not a retail commodity to a friend that asked for it. It suggests that they should be giving from the heart, not just the wallet. Also, we actually learn more about the person, in learning what they have to offer, not simply what they desire.
This is what we should be teaching our kids: kindness, contribution, community, love for humanity.
Keeping Your Circle Small
There are only 24 hours in a day, and 7~8 of them are spent sleeping, 8+ of them are spent working, and the remainder have to be spent divided between eating, maintenance, growth, recreation, and socialization (not necessarily mutually exclusive). This layout is a bit different from lifestyle to lifestyle granted, but the point remains the same. That being, we don’t have a great amount of time left over for things like recreation and socialization.
Even if we have chosen minimal lifestyles where the upkeep/maintenance is low, and we eat only to live (instead of the other way around), and our passions (our growth) have a very prominent social component to them (like most do), It’s still leaves little time to build strong relationships. This is just a natural part of life. Part of becoming an adult.
It is the reason why as we become adults we have fewer and fewer friends. It is the reason why when we become parents we retain even fewer friends still. A parents “Growth” and “Socialization” time gets almost fully devoted to their children. It’s the reason why we begin to combine these different needs together to save time, or just omit some altogether. Eating time becomes entertainment/recreation (the beginning of health problems), maintenance is skipped altogether (again health problems), and taking on any personal projects for growth is often tossed aside.
With all this going on, it is impossible to maintain a large social circle; impossible to keep in contact with a large group of friends and family. These relationships can’t be maintained and grow. I have only one thing to say about that:
It’s OK
really
If we have too much in our lives that we can’t devote time and energy to some people that we are close to, don’t sweat it. THAT’S LIFE. Many relationships will come and go. And if those relationships were strong in the first place, they may be strong enough to pick back up in another phase in life. Trying to devote what little time we have to a large circle of friends means not devoting enough time to any one of them to have any growth with any of them. This is just wasted time. What would we rather have, 15 acquaintances, or 5 close friends?
The only thing I DO suggest, is that we keep and maintain a very small circle. About 3, 4, or 5 close friends/family that we connect with regularly. This way we can devote enough time to each of them to have some level of growth in those relationships. It is important to our own mental stability that we do this. Likelihood is that once we have “weeded” all of the toxic people and those we are not compatible with, we will be down to 3 or 4 friends anyway. These relationships are necessary toward our growth; they keep us stable, focused. They also provide an outlet for our angst and doubt.