Author: Anthony

Fantasizing is the haven for the ungrateful.

For starters, it is important not to confuse fantasizing with needing or even wanting. Having desires is healthy, and even necessary. Needing is desiring necessities (I don’t think this requires more justification). Wanting, is desiring an addition to our life that is somewhat thought through, that will add to the quality of our life; add to our joy. Fantasizing is a much wider form of wanting which is NOT thought through at all.

Fantasizing is completely emotion based. It’s a desire to feel something, to yearn for a different life, and focusing only on the wonderful benefits of that life.

The truth is we ALL do this from time to time in small pieces. We are sitting in our car listening to love songs of the 80’s, longing for the kind of love that these artists so vividly illustrate for us. We sit in our home looking out the window at the snow keeping us inside, and fantasize about how much we’d rather live on a beach down south where we can feel the sun on our skin every day; feel the sand on our feet, and hear the wave’s crash.

The problem is that these fantasy thoughts and feelings are just visions of pleasurable moments. So we never follow the thought process through to their logical ends, if we had we actually pursued our fantasies.

Using the two examples above, I will lay out why fantasies are just illusions.

Love songs and romantic movies are fictions that only focus on the infatuation, the romance, and the subtle joys of the relationship. Realistically this in only half the story. Love is compromise, work, and dedication too.

The fantasy of changing our environment or location (climate, terrain, or whatever) doesn’t work either. This is because every location, every climate has it’s downside. We may not be fully aware of it because we don’t live in it, and we are too focused on the things we don’t have in our current environment. We are simply viewing a new life from a “vacation” mindset …….not in a “residential” mind set, and that’s not realistic.

Now ……. There are two reasons why fantasies are illusions and not helpful. The first I just illustrated in the two examples above. In a nutshell “Fantasies don’t paint the whole realistic picture”. We might have already known that intrinsically, and were just unwilling to acknowledge that. The second reason is not so obvious, and many of us won’t like it.

The second reason the fantasy is an illusion (and therefore unable to be applied as a reality) is because YOU are in it. No matter what your fantasy is, there you are, having all the fun. And because you fantasize so much in the first place, it’s only a matter of time until the “fantasy made reality” does not satisfy.

The thing is, in the end, we enjoy our fantasies just because they ARE fantasies. We humans have a tendency to get bored easily, and take that which we have for granted. No matter what our fantasy is, if we are to live out that fantasy, how long would that satisfy? One month? Maybe two years? How long until we yearn for something different or “better”? We could at that point learn to be grateful for what we have, but if we had done that at the start we would not have been driven to live this “fantasy life” in the first place, and I have no doubt that after some time in this “fantasy life” we start to long for the fruits we had in our original life.

Obsessive fantasizing of a different life occurs when we are ungrateful for our life as is.

This is just another example of something I have said many times before:
“Be grateful for what you have and you will want for less”

It is easy to spot the ungrateful, they all have one thing in common: No matter where they are, they’d rather be someplace else.

For those of us who fantasize a lot, here is a trick for turning that longing into gratitude:
Think about our fantasy (whatever it may be), but think of the ENTIRE picture. Not just the good stuff, but the bad ones too; the maintenance. The full reality. Then think of all the people that are living out our fantasy in real life. Then acknowledge that there are at least a few in that life, that fantasize about living a life JUST ……LIKE ……OURS.

Your welcome

Isolation got us down? Feeling disconnected? Perhaps feeling like we have been robbed of purpose (useless)? Well I have come up with a few tips and activities to keep us busy, keep our head strait, and or give some sense of purpose during this quarantine:

1. Turn on the radio! Forgetting the fact that it is good to be informed on the latest COVID-19 news in our community, it is helpful to hear more than just the voices we are isolated with in our homes. It makes us feel like we are part of our community again. Like we are with other people; and in many ways we are.
2. Use this time to catch up on activities at home we have been putting off. Whether it is basic home improvement/maintenance, or doing some basic home re-organizing ……. and God forbid …. minimizing.
3. Pursue new ways to connect with those we are quarantined with.  For many of us, before COVID-19 we had busy lives and perhaps have not really spent time with our loved ones; even the ones we see every day. Being cooped up in our homes with “nothing to do” offers us an opportunity to connect with our families un-distracted, in ways we might not engage in otherwise. Ways more personal. Speak to each other; real talk, real “getting to know you”. Interaction games are a wonderful idea, but I am thinking perhaps more invasive than that.  Ask questions like “Do you have any regrets?” or “If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation In your life, what would it be?” I think many of us will understand our loved ones better. It is amazing how cutting out all external elements, affords us the opportunity to discover beautiful gems in our own homes.
4. Remember that book we’ve been putting off reading? BOOYAA
5. Remember, we live in a digital age, so quarantine is not quite quarantine anyway; not as long as essential workers are still providing our utilities. There are many forms of communication to the outside world, and one need merely have a computer or smart phone with internet access. There is:
   • Facetime (iOs)
   • Zoom (Video conference chat)
   • Text
   • Phone
   • Instant Messenger
   • Skype
   • And there are many many more.
6. Go out for some fresh air and sunshine. Here in NY, quarantine does NOT mean confining us to our homes, It’s only shutting down businesses and avoiding contact with people less than 6′ away. With that being the case, going out for sunshine and fresh air is a must. Outdoor exercise is even better. At the very least we should be going out to our porches, decks, yards.
7. Exercise. Any way we can.
8. But ……… If we wanna be helpful during this time of crisis, if we are compelled to be part of the solution, there are still things we can do. For starters, know that just by following the directives of this quarantine, we are already helping plenty. By avoiding others, we are preventing the spread of the corona virus and setting the example. But if we want to help out more, remember that you and others are safe while you are in your vehicle. Likelihood is there are plenty people in your community that need supplies: toilet paper, bottled water, canned food. If we are willing to get these supplies when they stock and bring them to those in need, that would be most helpful. We could also reach out to local hospitals and COVID-19 collection sites to see if they need an extra set of hands. Places like that always need volunteers.

 

Even in during this state of affairs, we can adapt and and design a life of value and purpose. This very well may be the way things are for some time, so it’s not very realistic to take the stance that we have to put our lives in a holding pattern until it blows over. We must find a way to still grow through this.