Never Stop Chasing Her

This post goes out to all the married gentlemen out there with long relationships. The advice still may apply to women as well, and even LBGTQ folk, but I can only speak for strait men.

For many of us, we get into a rut in life where the romance is dead and our wife no longer seems interested in us anymore. This doesn’t happen all of a sudden of course, but slowly over the long course of our relationship as life changes and we take on new roles, new responsibilities. When this happens, we are so quick to blame the uninterested party, ….. our wives. We say “She doesn’t care anymore. She’s not the same woman I married. And when I initiate any affection or romance, I am tossed aside, rejected, and it makes me feel like I am in the wrong for desiring her.”

Let me start by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with desiring your spouse. There is nothing wrong with wanting romance in your relationship. Romance is the way it’s supposed to be. Intimacy, affection, humor, and playfulness are necessary components in all marriages.

She may not be exactly the same person we married, but are we the same person she married? Really? Are we still the dashingly handsome man she fell in love with all those years ago? The man who would do those little extras to win her affection? The confident man who would make the assertive gestures to win her over, and not care about the repercussions if they were rejections, because we were confident in our worth?

OR, have we let ourselves go? Have we relaxed a bit as we have aged, secure in the belief that “I’m married now, so this relationship is on lock. Relationship maintenance is no longer required.”?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it is OUR fault. Every situation is unique, and there are nuances and subtleties in every situation that make the responsibility for the “death of romance” to fall more on one party than the other. But I DO know one thing:

It’s of little importance WHO is responsible for causing it. Both parties are responsible for remedying it. And it MUST BE REMEDIED.

(Just because we did not cause a problem, doesn’t mean we are not responsible for solving the problem)

So rather than focusing on our wives, and trying to figure out how we can change them, so that they may be “interested in us” again, lets focus on ourselves to determine how we can start making ourselves interesting again. In the end, we can’t change others anyway, we can only change ourselves.

Instead of being so easily discouraged, have the confidence again (and dare I say it ….. arrogance) to brush off rejections (don’t take them so close to heart) and keep trying.

The key to keeping the romance alive in our marriage is to never stop dating. Never stop doing the things we needed to do when we were younger to win her over. Never stop chasing her. She wants to be chased. We thought that when we got married, the game was over. Sorry bucko, the game never ended. We’ve just been failing it since your vows.

DO THIS, and she will come around. She will do her part in keeping the romance alive instinctually, automatically. And if she doesn’t ……. Then the problem is even bigger than the romance dying in our relationships.